I want a/an…
-Utonagan
-Shiba
-Corgi
-Golden Retriever
-Pug
-Saint Bernard

I like ass and if you don’t like ass well…you’re an…ass.
LOL

my boy dog Rascal is trying to hump my girl dog Onika
but she keeps sitting low and he can’t really get low enough because of it
and then she runs off
but then after he’s just sitting there standing around
she gets under him and starts licking him all like “gimme dat dick”
and then she runs away whenever he tries to get on her again
all I can say is “what a fuckin bitch”
then I laugh at the pun because I’m so funny 

sometimes I hate myself and I don’t know why

and then I see that I’m eating McDonald’s
then I know why 

would you let me grab your butt…

if I said please?
if I had a well thought out argumentative essay?
if I was cute?
if I wore a soft silk glove?
… if I wore a black latex glove?
if I had money?
if I were royalty?
if I were famous?
if I did it with my left hand?
if you weren’t wearing pants?
if you weren’t wearing anything?
if it would save your life?
if it would save my life?
if I had already saved your life?

Hi, I’m cute.
Sometimes, I’ll be walking in a mall and then I’ll see this really hot person. Of course, I shoot the compliments. “Oh wow, hi, you’re incredible attractive,” or “How you doin’.” But then someone always comes up and says, “Sir, other people are waiting to use the dressing mirror.”
Reblog if you’re Fucking Ugly .

(Source: dolliecraveethisbitch)

I used to be super sexy, but then Justin Timberlake took sexy back.

So I’m not really sexy anymore.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I’ve done some fucked up shit for a Klondike bar.